Dear Gramps,

My son and his wife want us, my wife and I, to watch their two children so they can go to Vegas gambling. I almost think we are contributing to their bad ways by saying that we would be happy too. What do you think?

Elliot, from Hurricane, Utah

Dear Elliot,

It’s possible that you could keep your kids from going to Las Vegas to gamble by refusing to watch their children, but not very probable. However, it is highly probable that by your refusal, you could keep them from visiting you again. I would imagine that they are very well aware that you do not approve of their gambling, but I am afraid that by the action you suggest, they will get the idea that do not approve of them as people.

Of course we never quit parenting; but successful parenting methods change drastically as children mature from infants to adults. Adult children are in the same category that you as parents are in. If you treat them as immature children they will be offended. If you offer advice without being asked for it that is called meddling.

Appropriate teaching of adult children is done entirely by example, unless advise is sought for. However, advise will seldom be sought if the adult children feel that they are not loved or respected as individuals. We never need to accept or agree with behavior patterns that are against the principles we have tried to teach the children when they were young. But the adult children must feel that they are loved by their parents and that opinions, viewpoints and beliefs are also respected, if not accepted. There is an Article of Faith that seems to apply in cases like this—

We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow ALL MEN the same privilege. Let them worship how, where or what they may (Pearl of Great Price, Articles of Faith 11). (including our own children.)

If there is doubt in your mind about how your children feel toward your own religious preferences, you might say to them something like this—

“You folks know that we would never approve of your gambling; but if that is the thing that you want to do we would be glad to watch your children for you.”

Gramps