Dear Gramps,
I am a student in college, and since I’ve gotten up here I’ve met many new friends. But I’m having a major self esteem issue. Many of my friends are pairing off, but try as I might I can’t seem to find a girl who likes me. I try my hardest to be kind, and to be nice, and most of all to be myself. But the harder I try the less girls seem to like me. I feel so alone. I’ve tried praying for strength, but sometimes I just want to feel sorry for myself. Please help me.
Ben, from Logan, Utah

Dear Ben,
Do you mean that you can’t get a date? I doubt that. What I think you mean is that you can’t find someone to “pair off” with–i.e., to go steady with; to establish some sort of a commitment with. My advice to you is, don’t even try it! When your friends “pair off” there is some kind of a commitment of togetherness between the two people. Whatever that commitments is, it is very likely highly inappropriate in your present environment. Your primary purpose at college is to get an education. This early “pairing off” could easily lead to a premature marriage, added financial responsibility, and sometimes the need to quit school in order to support a family.
What I would strongly recommend is to go on dates, find a girl to take to school functions– perhaps a different one every time. Make no plans for a permanent relationship. Devote yourself to your scholastic goals. With that burden out of the way you will be able to relax and have fun when you are out with someone. Then, at the right time, and with the right person, a deeper relationship will spring up. When it does, it will come naturally, without being engineered, and you will know who you are to be with for the eternities.
Gramps