Dear Gramps

I have been dating this guy for two years. He is not a Mormon. I now understand more about the gospel and want to be married in the temple. I told him what I wanted and he is okay with it. He says he wants to look into the church. Now when we talk about it he says he is interested. It has taken me about a year to get him to come to church. He starts the missionary discussions this week. I am excited but I am worried that he is only doing it for me, so he can marry me. He says he isn’t doing it for me. He wants me to help him understand when he asks for help but if he doesn’t ask he says he wants to do it on his own. He just isn’t doing very much to work at it. He still swears a little. I just feel he doesn’t care.

How do you know if it’s right? Should I just be there if he needs help and not push him along? How do I help him understand and be more motivated? How can I help him see that it is the only true church and how much of a better life he will have if he joins? I want a man who loves God more than he loves me!

Nikki, from Sacramento, California

Dear Nikki,

It looks like you developed a relationship with your boyfriend before you developed a relationship with God. It appears, however, that when these two relationships come into conflict you would choose your relationship with God over that with your boyfriend. If you feel that he doesn’t really care, you are very probably right. If he did care, you would undoubtedly have a different feeling about your relationship.

If you would like to just be there in case he needs help, he may feel that your relationship is secure in his present state of casually investigating the Mormon Church, and never get more involved than he is now. There is one very good way to test his sincerity. Let him know that your intentions are to be married according to God’s plan in one of his holy temples. Let him know that you care for him very much and would like very much to continue to be friends. However, you are going to begin dating other young men who are temple worthy, and you will be glad to continue your relationship with him when he also becomes temple worthy. “Goodbye for now!”

When he understands that your relationship is severed for the time being, you will quickly learn of his sincerity in following the promptings of the Spirit of the Lord and becoming a member of the Mormon Church. That conversion process does not take a lot of time. If he is living a pure life, and is sincerely asking the Father to let him know if the Mormon Church is indeed that true and living church of the Lord Jesus Christ, the Father will certainly answer his prayer, and he will receive by revelation from God the sure knowledge that he is on the right path, and is a candidate for salvation in the kingdom of God. Then, after he has been baptized and has qualified through his faithfulness to be ordained an Elder in the Melchizedek Priesthood, you could approach him with your willingness to continue the relationship–if you are not already married to someone who is already worthy to be your companion for eternity.

Gramps