Dear Gramps

I was introduced to a man by friends several years ago. We dated each other exclusively for about a year and then he decided that we would only be friends. We have had discussions and have spent a lot of time together over the years. He has told me that he doesn’t want to date anyone else because he still loves me. We cross the lines of “friends” frequently. He still kisses me occasionally and not like a friend. We have talked about marriage and what it would mean to us, but he feels that he won’t get married because his patriarchal blessing doesn’t specifically state it. I love him and as much as I have prayed about it, he is the man I want to be with in eternity.
My heart is full when he calls or does special things for me. The sound of his voice is a comfort to me.
How can I move on when I love him and he loves me, or is it worth waiting to find the answers together?

Katie, from Hayes, KS

Dear Katie,

Time to move on!!! Let’s just examine the logic of his position for a minute. His position is that he does not want to marry you because his patriarchal blessing does not specifically state that he should. Does the patriarchal blessing specifically state that he should get a job? Does it specifically state that he should go to church? etc. etc. etc. It is more than obvious that the reason he does not want to marry is not because of what he says it is. So, he is not going to marry you!!! And the patriarchal blessing is not the reason!!! In spite of your feelings for him, stimulated by his “come on” approach, you are wasting your time. He is really not the friend that you think he is. He is using you for whatever support he needs, but when he finds someone with whom he can feel compatible in a marriage relationship, Goodbye Katie!

Let’s give him one last chance–just to verify the circumstance in your own mind. Without any hostility, the next time you get together, let him know that your goal is to find a husband with whom you can be compatible and with whom you can establish a home in which to raise a family. Let him know again your feelings for him, but give him this ultimatum: The waiting period is over. If he is willing NOW to get married, fine. If not, GOODBYE!! That word NOW is extremely important. He will no doubt have all sorts of reasons why you should wait just a little longer. That’s merely part of the game he has been playing. DECISION TIME ON HIS PART!!

Gramps

ÂÂ