Dear Gramps,

I’m a 21-year-old, unmarried member of the Mormon Church and found out two months ago that I’m pregnant. I’ve talked to Social Services and my Bishop and both have given me good counsel. I feel inclined to keep my baby but people I really respect are telling me that giving my child up for adoption is the best thing to do. Emotions are high all around me. I need the Lord now more than ever but don’t know which voices to listen to. How should I decide?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Here’s a clue on which voices to listen to. Who do you think the Lord would communicate with first, or more powerfully in your behalf–anyone you may choose for comparison, or your bishop? You are, of course, in a very difficult position. But let’s ask another question. You are now bringing a new human life into the world who will be completely dependent on others around it for its very life, then for the kind of life it will be able to lead. Which should now take precedence, your own feelings, needs, wants and desires or the eternal welfare of your baby? There is no question that an honorable two-parent home will give the unfortunate infant a far better chance of normal development than will a single parent, who may have limited income potential and limited time to provide the proper nurturing required by the infant.

Giving up an infant that you have brought into the world is without doubt a very painful and difficult thing to do, but that pain will be assuaged by the knowledge that the child will be reared in a fully organized, loving home, with both a father and a mother, and very likely with brothers and sisters to love, communicate with and grow with. On the other hand, the temporary pleasure of keeping the baby will quickly dissolve into all sorts of sorrow as you try to successfully cope in the very difficult one-parent environment, and the baby you very understandably wish to keep will be disadvantaged in a number of critical ways if you try to manage its growth and development by yourself. The more you love your baby, the more you will desire the very best for it; and that desire should be worth any sacrifice that you may be called upon to make in order to bring it about.

Gramps