Dear Gramps,
I have been dating this guy on and off for five years. We care deeply for one another and have been through a lot together. Since day one, I have known his desire is to become a missionary and a minister. Currently, he is finishing his last year in seminary. I agree with his desire to go on missions and do work for the church. I have looked at the possibly becoming a minister myself. However, I never thought that I would be going along. I always thought that he would go and come back every six months or so, and I was ok with that. Now, he has decided that he wants me to come along, to go where he goes, when he goes. I have raised the concerns I have about money, if I will enjoy this lifestyle. I love him, but do not know what the right choice is. I have asked for one month longer to think about this decision long and hard, either to go along and accept his proposal of marriage, or to go my separate way. I feel if I go my separate way I will always feel that I missed out on something. However, I feel I am more comfortable with him going and doing this and telling me about it before I make a decision to marry. Please help!
Kristen, from Rocky River, Ohio

Dear Kristen,
You tell me that you care deeply for this guy, and yet you don’t know that if you marry him you would want to be with him all the time–six month absences would be OK. Looks to me like you love you life style, whatever that is, more than you like the guy that you say you care deeply about. One of the fundamental ideas of marriage is to join your lives together, to be together, to share one another’s fortune, to support one another–in a word, to sacrifice your own desires in favor of the desires of your companion. If you don’t love him enough to in very deed be his wife, perhaps you should look somewhere else.
Gramps