Dear Gramps,Do you have any suggestions on how to met older singles. I have been a member of the Mormon church for 22 years and I am now a 46 year old female. It is very hard to find a good single Mormon man to date. I am also a larger woman and so it’s even harder to find a man that size does not bother. I have been single the whole time I’ve been in the church. I was divorced prior to joining the church. It would be nice to just go on a date and feel like a woman again. Sincerely,

Susan, from Cleveland, Ohio

Dear Susan,

I can imagine how lonely it feels not to be included in the dating activities of others with whom you associate. You mention that you are a larger woman, and you’re right that it’s hard to find a man that size does not bother. There is no doubt that if men knew of the wonderful qualities of your character and personality, there would be many who would not be bothered because you are a larger woman. Look at all the people who are both obese and happily married.

The significant truth is that practically none of them were overweight until after they learned to love one another. Unfortunately, men are almost universally attracted first by appearance and then by personality and then by intellect and then by character-the exact opposite of the value that they attach to each of those four personal qualities. So it looks like if you want to have a social life you have a price to pay. You must be willing to make the sacrifice to lose all your excess weight or you will by default sacrifice your social life. The definition of sacrifice is to give up something of value for something else of greater value.

I recognize that losing weight is no easy thing, especially if the weight problem is long term. But there is no question but that it can be done, and is being done by many people. So, as you come to terms with the issues that are at stake, you will take that course of action that is most meaningful to you.

-Gramps