Dear Gramps,

I’ve been troubled for a long time about whether God intended for man to fly. If He intended it, why weren’t we born with wings, like a butterfly?

My second question is more pressing, and less theological— do I keep the stick way back on landing, or just a little ways, and do I do it down close, or up a little? Please answer, because I’m going to go fly my airplane pretty quick. Just as soon as I get your answer, probably. Maybe, in fact, I can’t wait for your answer.

23 Skidoo

Dear Skidoo,

There is no doubt that God did not intend for man to fly. Man is endowed with none of the qualities essential for flying. Birds probably have a pretty good idea of whether the horizon is horizontal or whether it’s off at some skewed angle, the discovery of which has given more than one pilot a near heart attack. Also, swallows don’t need a GPS or a calendar to fly back to San Juan Capistrano from some place in South America on the same day each year. In addition, birds, not being IFR qualified, seem to have enough sense to fly clear of clouds, a bit of wisdom denied to many pilots.

Flying is one of the forbidden fruits with which mankind is tempted. We all remember as children lying on our backs on the green lawn on a warm summer afternoon and gazing in awe at the hawks flying effortlessly and silently overhead, wishing with all our hearts that we could do the same. If God wanted man to fly He would have provided him with airline tickets.

Now, concerning your second question. Forget the stick! Well, don’t actually forget it; it does come in handy from time to time. But there is a general misconception in the field of aviation that pulling back on the stick makes the airplane go up and pushing forward on the stick makes it go down. Wrong! If one is flying straight and level with the aircraft trimmed for level flying, such that the controls only need to be caressed now and then to correct for bumps in the road, and one pulls back on the stick, the aircraft will not climb, it will merely slow up. If instead, one pushes the stick forward, the aircraft will not begin to descend, but will merely pick up speed, remaining at the same altitude. If, in the trimmed condition, one wishes to gain altitude, one merely advances the throttle. With the increased power, the aircraft will not pick up speed but will begin to climb. If one wishes to descend, one merely retards the throttle, and the plane will not slow down, but will begin to descend at the same speed. So, contrary to popular opinion, the stick controls the speed and the throttle controls the altitude.

To land an airplane, on the downwind leg, reduce power and trim the airplane so with neutral controls the plane is descending at the desired rate. Then on final approach, minor adjustments to the throttle will make the plane go up or down to bring it in contact with the runway at the desired spot. There are those bird-like aviators who can land a plane without touching the stick. I confess that I have never met any of them, but I keep hearing that they are around. Happy flying.

Gramps