Is it okay to divorce a woman who does not understand my transgressions of infidelity in our marriage. We are told to forgive and forget. At what point should she get over it. If we really understand how the atonement works for us in our lives, shouldn’t she just be able to move on?

cperkins

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Dear Cperkins,

This is one of those tricky situations where we often see the mote in our brother’s eye and miss the beam in our own. In this case, we have two major issues besides the infidelity:

Your wife seems unable to understand your need for forgiveness in this transgression.

You seem unable to understand your wife’s needs in dealing with your transgression.

In order for divorce to not be the end road, someone is going to have to make the first move. Since you’re the one asking the question, and you are only able to control what you do, you will have to be the one to take the first step.

I would recommend first reading ‘The Miracle of Forgiveness’.

The next thing I would recommend is reading what President McKay has said regarding infidelity:

A man who has entered into a sacred covenant in the house of the Lord to remain true to the marriage vow is a traitor to the covenant if he separates himself from his wife and family just because he has permitted himself to become infatuated with the pretty face and comely form of some young girl who flattered him with a smile. Even though a loose interpretation of the law of the land would grant such a man a bill of divorcement, I think he is unworthy of a recommend to have his second marriage performed in the temple. (Gospel Ideals, p. 473.)

How do you feel when you read that? If the answer is that you feel angry, or defiant, or self-pitying then you will have to work on your own repentance and cannot expect forgiveness when you haven’t repented yourself.

If you feel Godly sorrow and are determined to repent then you have to make amends for what you have done. In this case, you must give an outpouring of love and patience. Help your wife work through her feelings of betrayal. Be there for her. Do not try to force her to come to terms with her feelings. That is a road that leads only to ruined expectations. Instead, do what you can to show her the love that you had denied her.

You are loved, even when you made mistakes. Know this. If you have confessed to the bishop and are now eligible to enter the temple, go as often as you can. If you cannot attend the temple, work to be eligible. This will help guide you in revelation on how best to serve your wife and help her through this difficult time.

Gramps

If I am trying to repent of trying to overcome anger and have not over come at death, is this where Christ intercedes for me?

Eathyl

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Eathyl,

Absolutely. The fact is we all will fall short of perfection, and the atonement is in place expressly for this fact. What is required of us is that we try with every effort to overcome our sins and weaknesses. This is why the Book of Mormon teaches us that we are very much saved by the grace of Christ, but only ‘after all we can do.’

We must give full and sincere effort to better ourselves every day in order to maximize our Savior’s great atoning sacrifice. The great news is that this need is precisely why Jesus offered himself up as a sacrifice for sin. He knew it would be the only way, and he fulfilled his duty deliberately, full of love for us all.

-Gramps

How can the Savior have strong resistance from temptation? He did not attempt to and refuse to do it at all. I applaud Him. But I wish I could be like Him, HOW can I?

Vegas

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Dear Vegas,

My dear friend, your question is one that everyone should be asking. This should be our life goal, and all that we do should be a part of trying to become like the Savior.

I think too often we believe it is more complicated than it really is. We look for big, profound answers to our questions, especially when the challenge seems nigh impossible. Perhaps part of the answer can be found in king Benjamin’s address to his people.

Mosiah 3: 19 For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

I would like you to pay particular attention to where he says “willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him.” This is truly the example the Savior showed to us. Even in the most perilous moment in all of human history, where He began to feel the weight and burden of the sins of mankind, we see His example to follow the Father’s will in all things.

Matthew 26: 42 He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.

Luke 22: 42 Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

Notice that the Savior approached the Father in prayer, seeking another way to accomplish His will. However, in spite of what He knew was ahead of Him, He yielded to the will of the Father, even at the risk of an unknowable and unfathomable pain and suffering.

Like the Savior, we have to learn to so trust the Father’s will as to know and understand that His desires are far better for us than anything we can imagine, especially at a time of pain and sorrow, or struggle and adversity. We must come to so know and love the Father that we will do His will, even when it is not what we desire for ourselves.

This is not accomplished in life’s greatest challenges. The large struggles we face are where our trust and faith in the Lord are shown, not where they are developed. Our love for the Lord and our firm testimony in Him is developed simply by living our lives everyday with Him at the center. Saying our prayers and reading our scriptures are central parts to gaining the kind of faith and trust you ask about.

Alma speaks of this principle:

Alma 37: 6 Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

He goes on to tell how the Liahona was a small and simple thing, and how, according to their faith, it would lead and guide Lehi’s family across the wilderness. When they ceased to exercise faith, the Liahona stopped working.

44 For behold, it is as easy to give heed to the word of Christ, which will point to you a straight course to eternal bliss, as it was for our fathers to give heed to this compass, which would point unto them a straight course to the promised land.

So, by exercising their faith in the small and simple things of life caused this compass or director to show them the way to the promised land. In my opinion, that is the greatest, physical example in the scriptures of how it is accomplished.

King Benjamin, and other prophets, and even the Savior Himself, compared it to becoming as a little child. I think therein is the key. Study what it is that makes little children do what their fathers say, and then try to apply that learning to your relationship with Father in Heaven.

Gramps

I used to be messed up in my head about salvation, justice and mercy. I didn’t think I’d go to the Celestial Kingdom, so I went inactive for 12 dismal years. There was a 4 mo period where I went into stores and stole things. Knucklehead that I was, it was my way of “getting back” at the world for perceived “unfairness.” A few years ago I read a talk that said there was nothing you couldn’t be forgiven for. Believe it or not I hadn’t heard that before. It changed my life and I became active. I confessed everything to the bishop, who seemed uncomfortable. I’ve anonymously sent money to the stores, but is that enough to truly repent? If I talk to the stores in person I may be turned into the police and have to go to prison, which would break up my family. I am so sorry. Should I accept once and for all that I’m not going to be part of God’s eternal family? I lived 12 grim years thinking that. If I have to go on that way I just want to be destroyed, both body and spirit.

Ginger

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Ginger,

There is nothing in this world more burdensome than sin. Each of us understands this to one extent or another according to the lives we have lived. Most importantly the Savior himself understands the true burden sin places upon us all. He wants to relieve us of that burden as though we never sinned. In order to do so, we must do all we can to repent. Once we’ve reached that point, we trust in the Atonement to do for us what we cannot do ourselves.

You can absolutely be forgiven completely, and I hope you succeed in your efforts. Regarding paying back what you’ve taken, Let the Holy Ghost guide you. Making amends is an important thing. While whatever loss caused by your actions has most likely been fully addressed in a financial way, morally I think it is important to pay the value back that you took. Perhaps including an anonymous letter with the money you send them explaining why you are doing so will make a difference in how you feel about your efforts. Again, remain prayerful. Listen and watch for guidance from Heavenly Father for what to do.

Full repentance also includes turning away from the sinful act. That’s actually what the word ‘repent’ means; to ‘turn away from’ something. Another way to say it is to remove the act from your life. You are doing the right thing, and you will soon be blessed for your sincerity.

Finally, remove the idea from your mind that you don’t belong in Heavenly Father’s family. You are just as important to him as any of us have ever been. He sorrows for your struggling at this time, but his joy at your return is immeasurable, and I pray that you will feel of his joy and love for you. Remember the parable of the Prodigal Son. (Luke 15: 11-32) The lesson in that tale applies to you just as much as every sinner who sought to obtain forgiveness.

Here is a talk given by Elder Jeffery R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

 I have found it deeply inspiring during difficult times and I hope you can gain strength through it as well.

-Gramps

Dear Gramps,

My friend seems to be a very paranoid person. This friend of mine has prayed that he will realize his sins. He now realizes that he watched bad television viewing. MTV, VH1 and such. He feels guilty for watching “filthy” things that arouse sexual feelings and desires. He realizes now that it is considered pornography. With that realization, he stopped watching those kinds of shows, because they were sexually exciting, which is not approved by our church. He is wondering if this is something that he can just confess to the Lord, or does he have to confess to the bishop to be fully forgiven? Mind you, this was 4 years ago, and he hasn’t watched bad viewing since because of the guilt. Thank you!

Anonymous

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Anonymous,

Perhaps the word paranoid could be replaced with two words; spiritually sensitive. In any case, repentance can be a very trying event for someone, even though from an outside perspective it seems to be no huge ordeal. My best rule is simply this; when in doubt, talk with the bishop. If it can be addressed through personal prayer and continued obedience alone, the bishop will say so, and that will be that. If the bishop feels he does need to be involved, then the tough part has already been done, that of going to the bishop.

Whatever the case, repentance is an extraordinary blessing when we take hold of it and use it to recover from bad choices and desires.

-Gramps

I am so sad. I am married to a wonderful husband and have four beautiful children. Yet I made a very foolish decision. I fooled around sexually with another man. I am so sad and afraid. What will happen to me? What do I need to do to fix this?

Just Me

Just me,

You have a long road ahead of you.

The first step is to not compound the situation any further. You must cut off all contact with this man. If you have to change/quit jobs, change phone numbers and email addresses, do it. Block him from your facebook profile.

If you haven’t done so, you need to be tested for STDs as soon as possible. The health of you and your husband may be at risk.

The second step is to realize the violation of your covenants is going to be a violation of trust with your husband. You cannot conceal this and be a wife worthy of trust. You may want to talk with your Bishop before talking with your husband, but you must discuss this with your husband. This would be one of the steps your Bishop would counsel you to do as part of the repentance process.

The third step is patience. He may be mad, upset, withdraw from you, or even leave for a while, so he can collect his thoughts and pray. He needs to deal with this news as he can… and your job is to be sorrowful and let him have and take the space he needs.

Do NOT get defensive. Do NOT bring up any previous errors or sins that he may have committed, or it will show that you are trying to justify your wrongdoing, instead of trying to atone for it.

DO offer to go to counseling with him. DO find ways to strengthen your relationship. You had an emotional reason for violating your covenants. You need to identify why that happened. (Notice that I’ve never called it “cheating”. This was a violation of your covenants.)

Fourth, you may be subject to church council hearing. If so, this is part of the confession and repentance process. These inspired men are there for the salvation of your soul and aren’t to condemn you. Excommunication can be a possibility, but that decision is left to the council. They will feel uncomfortable as well as you will.

Fifth (and this is just my own idea), you may want to volunteer for service at a battered women’s shelter. There are women who have been treated very badly by their spouses or others. These women are there to escape their influence. You can help them and you can gain additional perspective on your life at home with your husband and children. You’ll come home with a new appreciation for your husband. Just don’t necessarily expect him to reciprocate your newfound appreciation.

I hope this helps. Good luck on your journey.

Dear Gramps,

This is probably the most uncomfortable question I have ever asked or said. But, I started masturbating before becoming a member and out of ignorance and curiosity. I feel as though my agency to act has been decreased at times, and I want that back.

-Wondering

Wondering,

Self-stimulation can be addictive. It is also a function of lust. Lust has no cure to its cravings. By stark contrast, love is beautiful and full of joy!

When one is caught in an addictive cycle, it is important to know how you are feeling before such cravings and feelings come to you. Are you feeling lonely? Depressed? Or just excited?

We live in a sexually charged world. From the media to today’s “acceptable” fashions, it’s too easy to have these feelings and cravings tempt you.

The first step is to help limit the influence and exposure of such images. Have a filter put on your computer and block the channels you need on your television.

The second step is to remember that you are a Child of God with infinite worth! It’s nearly impossible to commit a serious sin when you understand your spiritual worth.

Counsel with your Bishop to help with your spiritual cleansing.

A personal idea for you is to join and sing in your ward choir every week. I know that those hymns that you sing in the choir will stay in your mind throughout the week. This will help you resist cravings and temptations that come to your mind.

There isn’t a cure for this. Sober alcoholics are still alcoholics, and will tell you so. We are created to be sexual beings. We just need to bridle our passions for the proper time. That time is when we are married to our spouse.

Bridle All Your Passions

Hope this helps some.

Dear Gramps,

We know that all sins can be forgiven except that of denying the Holy Ghost. In the case of murder I know that one can be forgiven but never obtain eternal life, only the telestial kingdom. In the cause of abortion is it the same in that you can be forgiven, but never be able to receive exaltation.

Alison

Dear Alison,

We can only be judged properly according to the light and knowledge of the gospel we had in our life if/when we made such a decision. I know that may sound a little strange, so let me elaborate.

The killing of another person is against the laws of the land. We instinctively know that this is wrong. (War is a different scenario, so let’s keep that separate.)

Abortion seems to have “conditional morality”, meaning that it depends on the person who wants the abortion. If they see it as “birth control”, that’s the way they see it.

However, those of us who have been raised with certain Christian values, know that the killing of any life, is against God’s plan. It becomes a bigger issue.

Doctrine & Covenants 82:3

3 For of him unto whom much is given much is required; and he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation

For any unwed or teenage pregnant girls, I offer this advice: Go to your Bishop. Work with him and plan for the eventual adoption of your child. At the very least, see what resources are available from your City, State, or Country. I know that in the US, you can drop off a child at a police station, fire station or hospital with no questions asked. Just don’t compound the sin with abortion.

If you have committed abortion or funded/encouraged abortion (for men), you must talk to your Bishop. Better to confess in this life, than to harbor the sin until the next life.

Gramps

I recently had an abortion. I understand that it can be forgiven if I repent. But I feel like what I have done is murder, and that I should not be allowed to be forgiven. No matter what anyone says, I feel this way because if I had to choose again, I would choose personal and social convenience over responsibility. Now I am considering tubal ligation because I gave up the opportunity to raise one of Heavenly Father’s children, why should I be given it again? I don’t know what I should do.

Bereaved

My dear bereaved sister,

Not only can you be forgiven, but the Lord would love for you to repent and be forgiven. The First Presidency said in 1972 “As the matter stands today, no definite statement has been made by the Lord one way or another regarding the crime of abortion. So far as is known, he has not listed it alongside the crime of the unpardonable sin and shedding of innocent human blood. That he has not done so would suggest that it is not in that class of crime and therefore that it will be amenable to the laws of repentance and forgiveness.”

More recently, the current instruction given to priesthood leaders is that abortion is not considered murder for the purposes of Church disciplinary action. You can and should repent, because Christ‘s Atonement is the only thing that can help replace the anguish you are feeling.

Please seek counsel and guidance from your bishop and you may even consider professional counseling. It is good that you recognize the serious nature of your actions, and I hope that you will continue on to feel the healing power of the Atonement.

I committed sexual sin after going to the temple. I know I have to confess to my bishop. The question I have is this, how many people have to know if I am excommunicated? I had a friend that was excommunicated and she told no one but most of the ward found out any way. She actually made a point of not telling anyone but someone talked. Who gets to know this? How many people need to know my status?

Marcea

Dear Marcea,

It is good that you recognize the need to talk to your bishop about your serious transgression of your temple convents. Your bishop is there to help you step through the process. He is also there to judge your willingness to humbly and sincerely repent and work your way back to God. Sometimes this requires excommunication so that the sinner can have a chance for a fresh start and to work their way back.

When someone gets excommunicated, limited information must be passed to the various leaders, so that they know that the person can no longer perform basic functions in the church, and should not be called upon to do so. None of the details should ever be given out. Still the leaders are human and they can make mistakes and fellow members can be very perceptive and fall into gossip. Their weakness should not be used as an excuse for you to avoid the repentance process.

Personally, I view a person who has been excommunicated and still attending church as positive. I know that if they stay on course and continue meeting with their Bishop and work out their repentance, they stand a better chance to not only have a stronger moral backbone, but to also come back as a stronger member of the church and a better disciple of Christ. Having said that, you need to keep your focus on the Atonement and work out your repentance. That is much more important than what those around you think.

Gramps

Gramps,

My son and his girl friend, both 17, recently had a child which they gave up for adoption to a wonderful LDS couple. Coming to the decision to do this was grueling and difficult, but the teenagers knew that they were not ready to commit to each other and both have a lot of growing up to do. Together they agreed on the adoption and the couple who would raise their child. My question is, my son is getting his life in order and has the dream of going on a mission. Is this totally out of the question now or is it still possible? We have heard both answers.

Anon. From Arizona

Dear Anon,

The completeness of repentance from serious infractions of the moral code and subsequent worthiness to hold positions of responsibility in the Church rest in the province of the bishop of the person’s Ward. He not only is a judge in Israel, but is in a unique position to give counsel and guidance in such matters. Your question should be directed to him, but it would far more appropriate coming the person directly involved than from a third party.

-Gramps

Gramps,

Many years ago some speakers in the church used an example of the effects of sinning (and the difficulty of repenting): pounding nails into a board, then pulling them out. The point? A hole remains, indicating permanent scaring. I understand that President Joseph Fielding Smith said that this was false doctrine. It certainly seems to fly in the face of all that I know about the Atonement. Would you comment? Thank you.

Dianne, from Sandy, Utah

Dear Dianne,

I agree with President Smith. The Lord has said,

“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool” (Isaiah 1:18).

“Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” (D&C 58:42)

“But no man is possessor of all things except he be purified and cleansed from all sin. And if ye are purified and cleansed from all sin, ye shall ask whatsoever you will in the name of Jesus and it shall be done.” (D&C 50:28-29)

It appears from these scriptures that the great atoning sacrifice of the Lord is so complete in it’s application that when a person fully and completely repents of his sins it is as if he had never committed them at all. There is no remaining mark or stain; there is no way to differentiate that person from another who had been purified from committing other sins. No man is perfect; all have sinned. Yet, through the redemption of the Only Begotten Son those who have sinned may become perfect, holy, without spot. As Moroni has said, “And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot.” (Moroni 10:33)

Gramps

Waz up bro?

I’ve been wondering something lately… We all have talents that God gave to us. If we do something bad, does He take them away? Because I’ve sinned and I’ve repented and stuff, and I do the same sins over and over again. I’m stopping my bad habits, but I don’t know if we lose some of our talents, or blessings the Lord has given us or that He will give us. Will He still forgive our sins even if we do them repeatedly but repent after each one and do it less? I don’t know if He stops forgiving us. I mean it’s so hard for me, I’m just a mere mortal compared to our all-knowing and loving God. I just don’ t want to lose my blessing here on earth, or lose the chance of living in the celestial kingdom for some stupid mistakes that I repeat, but repent so earnestly after. I know I’m stopping, I’m doing much better, but please help me clear my doubts. I hope you answer me and post this letter, even though it is long. That would mean so much to me. Please keep me anonymous.

Repenting hard in a big sinful world.

Dear Repenting,

I guess that in the first place we must define repentance. Repentance is not a change of habit, but a change of character. That is why true repentance is so difficult. However, although it is difficult to achieve and is a firm and essential commandment, it is very achievable. The object of this life is to overcome one’s self; to bring the natural man into domination by the spiritual man. In other words, to be able to control and dominate the natural passions and appetites of the body. Paul expresses it as follows in Galatians 5:16-18–

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. So to overcome sinful habits one would be more successful if he were to devote himself to an ever closer relationship with his Father in Heaven, by being obedient, in as much as possible, to all His commandments, than by just trying to overcome a bad habit. Such a person would be kind and forgiving to those around him-especially to those who would need his forgiveness. One would exhibit the highest fidelity in complying with all the obligations that he would take upon himself in the Kingdom. For instance, if one were called to be a home teacher, that function would be discharged as a prime responsibility-never, unless completely unavoidable, would one wait until the second week of the month to visit and care for his assigned families. One would strictly comply with all the requirements for temple worthiness and attend the temple with regular frequency. In other words, such a person would devote himself first and foremost in his life to the responsibilities he may have to develop the Kingdom. Then, as a result of that obedience, he would be granted by the Father the gift of faith-in a degree commensurate with his obedience. That faith would empower him to righteous action, i.e., additional strength to overcoming himself, or in other words, to subjecting the natural man to the will of the spirit.

Now, the attitude of repentance would be the constant effort to live a pure life. Every man who lives falls short of that goal in one respect or another. However, it is one thing to accept and willingly participate in the passions and appetites of the flesh and an entirely different thing to fight to try to overcome the flesh. We live in a world of great temptation and cannot avoid the prospect of evil. As it is constantly before us, so it must be constantly rejected. We receive unrighteous influences through our five senses; but there is a difference between seeing and looking, between hearing and listening between tasting or smelling and savoring, between touching and feeling. Although we cannot avoid evil impressions, we don’t need to go looking for them. And when they impinge themselves upon our consciousness we need to get rid of them as soon as possible. By thus gaining spiritual strength, evil influences may the more easily be dominated.

So the process is one of continual repentance of what we do that is wrong-a continual struggle for self dominance. The Lord is both patient and understanding. He told Mosiah–

Therefore I say unto you, Go; and whosoever transgresseth against me, him shall ye judge according to the sins which he has committed; and if he confess his sins before thee and me, and repenteth in the sincerity of his heart, him shall ye forgive, and I will forgive him also. Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me. (Mosiah 26:29-30).

And in Doctrine and Covenants 58:42-43,

Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more. By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins-behold, he will confess them and forsake them.

So we must move ahead with the confidence that little by little, step by step, we will overcome ourselves; and as we try so to do, we will be blessed, encouraged and strengthened by a kind and loving Father. The Savior has encouraged us with this thought-

Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36.)

-Gramps

Dear Gramps,

My question is on repentance. How does one go about it? My question arises because in a recent meeting of the stake priesthood (I attend a University student stake) the president advised those who had committed any form of fornicative sin to see his bishop. Also I am taking a celestial marriage course in institute and in the last lesson the teacher mentioned that many people have marriage problems and it comes out that when interviewing with the bishop they were not truthful about the intimate relations within their relationship. Could these people have realized the problems on their own and gone before the Lord in prayer and confessed there sins and be repentant?

Malik, from Utah

Dear Malik,

Regardless of feelings of remorse, there are certain sins of sufficient gravity that they must be confessed to the bishop. Sexual sin is among these. Repentance is not an easy process, and in the case of serious violations of God’s commandments, often needs the counsel and guidance of the servant of the Lord who represents the Lord to the members of his Ward.

It’s true, and indeed necessary, that people who have sinned realize the problem on their own, confess their sins to the Lord and appeal to him for his forgiveness. But this is not repentance; it is only the beginning step. The process of repentance is not complicated, but, again, it is not easy. The Lord has said,

Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more. By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins–behold, he will confess them and forsake them (D&C 58:42-43).

You have addressed the confessing part. Let’s discuss the forsaking part. To forsake a sin does not mean just to not do it anymore. The sin is in character of the person, which gives expression to the physical act. An incarcerated bank robber may be sorry that he robbed a bank, and may not be robbing more banks because he does not have the opportunity, but he would not have repented of his crime until he became an honest person. The test of his honesty would be, for example, that after he was released from prison and again incorporated into society, he met with a bank president in his office in dire need of a loan. On the desk in the office would be a pile of money that the person had understood from the bank president had not yet been counted. At this moment the president is called out of the office and remarks to the applicant the he will be gone for fifteen minutes. If this former bank robber sits in the presence of all that money for fifteen minutes and make no move to take any of it, he has repented from being a bank robber.

Repentance requires change in the inner man-a change of character, not just a change of routine. True repentance results in the spiritual strength to control the passions and appetites of the body, even in times of severe temptation.

Gramps

Dear Gramps,

Throughout our lives we commit wrongs. Some are worse than others. When we are baptized as adults, if we are truly repentant are we starting again with a clean slate? Later on we again fail in some measure but truely repent. We never do that thing again. I’ve often wondered if when we die if the things we asked forgiveness on would be passed by during our judgement both with the personal and in the final? These questions have been on my mind for many years as I have had to repent of many things and will probably continue to do so until I die.

Thanks

Claire, from Rhode Island

Dear Claire,

Whether baptized as adults or as children, if we truly repent of some wrong that we have committed, we will be forgiven.

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool ( Isaiah 1:18).

Repentance, however, is not just asking for forgivenness; it is the overcoming of the sin. When we repent of something, we repair our lives so that that thing is not a part of us anymore. Since it is not a part of us, when we are judged it won’t be brought up, because the Lord judges us as we are, not as we were.

Gramps

Dear Br. Gorton,

I finally found where they moved your column! I have a question that you may or may not want to answer through your column. What is the status (for lack of a better word) of the Spirit abiding or not abiding with excommunicated persons? I realize that those who are in this situation are worse affected than those never having the gospel. I guess I am asking to what degree the Spirit can abide with those who are excommunicated. If one is working very diligently to gain back their membership and blessings, would the Spirit be more inclined to inspire or enlighten the individual?

Thank you for your answer.

Aliece @allcom.com

Dear Alice,

At baptism the person receives the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands. This gift will reveal to the person the truthfulness of sacred things. However, since the Spirit will not dwell in unclean temples (1 Cor. 3:16-17), if a person after baptism violates the covenants he has made he will not enjoy the influence of the Holy Spirit and will be left without inspiration.

When a person is excommunicated, the blessings received as a member are taken from him, including any priesthood to which he had been ordained and the right to guidance by the Holy Ghost. However, even though a person may have sinned to such a degree that his membership in the Kingdom is revoked, yet he may repent and be forgiven. It must be remembered that excommunication is not used as a punishment, but as a blessing to the person, designed to help the person repent and return to the Lord. Isaiah said, “though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool” (Isaiah 1:18).

The Lord is anxious to forgive his wayward children and return them to the fold. Think of the parable of the lost sheep (Matt. 18;11-14). And further, he has said, “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more. By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins–behold, he will confess them and forsake them” (D&C 58:42).

We should be especially attentive to and pray for those who have been excommunicated, that they may not feel ostracized by the society of the Saints. Henry Drummond said, “How many prodigals are kept out of the Kingdom of God by the unlovely characters of those that profess to be within?” (“The Greatest Thing in the World,” London and Glasgow, Collins’ Clear-Type Press, p. 36) It would appear that the powers of Heaven are available to help the prodigal return, and since a man may receive the Holy Ghost, and it may descend upon him and not tarry with him (D&C 130:23) it would seem that a person who had been excommunicated and was seeking to put his life in order and return to the Kingdom would have as much spiritual help as anyone, perhaps more.

Gramps

Dear Gramps,

I read recently that the crucifixion of Christ didn’t atone for all sins. Some sins, such as murder, require a blood sacrifice. This is the idea behind capital punishment. I find this all very confusing. Could you possibly shed some light on the issue? Thanks,

ac

Dear ac,

There is NO sin for which the sacrifice of Christ did not atone. He paid the price through his unspeakable suffering for every sin that was or ever will be committed by every living being. There are no exceptions! His sacrifice was infinite in its scope. Being infinite, it was without bounds, without limits. The infinite nature of the great atoning sacrifice of the redeemer of mankind is revealed by Alma in the Book of Mormon:

For it is expedient that an atonement should be made; for according to the great plan of the Eternal God there must be an atonement made, or else all mankind must unavoidably perish; yea, all are hardened; yea, all are fallen and are lost, and must perish except it be through the atonement which it is expedient should be made. For it is expedient that there should be a great and last sacrifice; yea, not a sacrifice of man, neither of beast, neither of any manner of fowl; for it shall not be a human sacrifice; but it must be an infinite and eternal sacrifice (Alma 34:9-10.)

And behold, this is the whole meaning of the law, every whit pointing to that great and last sacrifice; and that great and last sacrifice will be the Son of God, yea, infinite and eternal (Alma 34:14)

It is amazing how lying, false priests have distorted the truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ as it was revealed to the prophet, Joseph Smith. The great sacrifice of the Savior was the blood sacrifice. The blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin (1 John 1:7.) His suffering was so intense that it caused him to bleed at every pore

For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I; Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit- (D&C 19:16-18.)

Evil and conspiring men in the early days of the Church distorted this pure doctrine, and with blasphemy accused the Lord’s Church of requiring the blood of the sinner to pay for his own sins. This blasphemous concept negates the infinite nature of the great sacrifice of the Savior, and is patently false, and never was nor could have been entertained by the Church that bears His name. Elder Bruce R. McConkie had the following to say on the subject:

“From the days of Joseph Smith to the present, wicked and evilly-disposed persons have fabricated false and slanderous stories to the effect that the Church, in the early days of this dispensation, engaged in a practice of blood atonement whereunder the blood of apostates and others was shed by the Church as an atonement for their sins. These claims are false and were known by their originators to be false. There is not one historical instance of so-called blood atonement in this dispensation, nor has there been one event or occurrence whatever, of any nature, from which the slightest inference arises that any such practice either existed or was taught” (Bruce R. McConkie, Mormon Doctrine, p. 92.)

Gramps

Gramps,

Didn’t Jesus have to know each of us well enough to know what sins we would commit in order for Him to suffer for those sins not yet committed? The scriptures say that if we don’t repent we will have to suffer similar to the Savior. When a law is broken, a penalty has to be paid. But doesn’t it only have to be paid once to satisfy justice?

If the sin of blasphemy against the Holy Ghost is unforgiveable, is that still a sin that the Lord had to suffer for.Sincerely,

JGT

Dear JGT,

The Savior’s great atoning sacrifice was infinite in its scope. (See Alma 34:10-14). Being infinite, the sacrifice was without limits, sufficient to pay for all the sins that ever were committed, ever will be committed or ever could be committed. The Savior did not have to tally them up in order suffer sufficiently to pay that particular price. If He had done that, the sacrifice would have been finite, however staggering the magnitude.

It’s true that if we do not repent of our own sins the great atoning sacrifice of the Savior will avail us nothing and we will have to pay to the demands of justice the price in suffering required for our own sins, just as if there had been no sacrifice.

Therefore I command you to repent–repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore–how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not. For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I; Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit–and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink– (D&C 19:15-18).

The great overriding sadness associated with unrepentent sin is that it must be paid for twice. The Savior’s suffering was in vain for the unrepentant sinner. That unspeakable pain, born of unconditional love for our Father’s wayward children, went for naught. But the Savior undoubtedly suffers additional pain and sorrow as his empathy reaches out for those who choose to ignore what He did for them and must suffer even as He did.

Gramps

Gramps,

How can one ever know if they have been truly forgiven by God? I can’t seem to forgive myself.

My spouse won’t write a letter for me to go to the Temple, I have asked. He supports me in serving my Father in Heaven, but said he is not ready for this commitment. I have tried to tell him, I am making the commitment, not him. I keep thinking I must not have fulfilled all the requirements of my Heavenly Father, such as repentance. I have prayed and prayed, and have gone to my Bishop about 20 years ago. I continue to pray for the softening of his heart. I will continue to serve and pray. Thank You so Much for your help.

N, from Nevada

Dear N,

How do we know if we have been forgiven? If you have repented of any wrong doing, you must know that you are forgiven. Any feelings to the contrary are a demonstration of a lack of faith in the validity of the great atoning sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ. He has said,

Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more (D&C 58:42).

Perhaps the real question is, how do we know if we have repented? The scripture continues-

By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins–behold, he will confess them and forsake them (D&C 58:43).

If what you may have done that was contrary to the will of the Lord is no longer a part of your life (having been forsaken), then you have repented. You should be able to accept yourself as if those things had never happened, as does the Savior.

I am a little confused about your husband not writing a letter of recommendation for you to go to the temple. I believe that this is a matter that you should discuss thoroughly with your bishop. He has the keys necessary to give both you and your husband proper guidance in such matters as these.

Gramps

Dear Gramps,

I have a habit that I cannot get rid of! I’ve tried everything I could think of, even everything the bishop can think of, and I still don’t seem cured! Most of them work at least for a few days then I start feeling like I’m cured & that’s when I start the habit again! I’ve prayed long & hard about this, to no avail! Is there anything you can tell me or should I just give up trying to break it?

Anon. from Nevada

Dear Anon.

If you really have the desire to break a habit, you must never, never give up!! As a matter of fact, I think that that may be part of your problem. You made the statement, “then I start feeling like I’m cured & that’s when I start the habit again.” Sounds to me like once you think that you’re about on top of things you feel that you don’t have to try anymore. As you have proven to yourself, that doesn’t work! Some ingrained habits take a long time to overcome, and the temptations that lead to undesirable practices and habits are normally ever present.

Let’s spend a minute trying to analyze a habit. Habits are the result of repeated actions; and the habit may become so ingrained that it is performed subconsciously, like buttoning a shirt, for example. Although you have probably buttoned a shirt thousands of time, you most likely don’t even know how many buttons there are on a shirt-haven’t been thinking about what you’re doing. Every action starts in the mind-either in the conscious mind or in the subconscious mind. One of the problems in overcoming an undesirable habit is that we tend to leave it in the mind and concentrate only on controlling the action-it never works! To control a habit you must control your thoughts. The thought pattern leading to an undesirable action is much easier to stop at the very beginning of the thought pattern than it is at the brink of action. In every case there is a point in the thought process where one loses control, and though regretting what will inevitably happen, commits the act. Let me illustrate-

The engineer of a freight train traveling at a certain speed must apply the brakes at a given point in order to stop within a given distance. Let’s say that the train is approaching the end of the tracks in Boston. Depending on the length of the train, the loading of the cars, the friction between the wheels and track, and the speed of the train the engineer must apply the brakes at a given point, otherwise the train will run into the barrier at the end of the track. Let’s say that the engineer’s attention is diverted and he drives past the critical point without applying the brakes. He still is a long way from the end of the track, but no matter how hard he presses on the brake, or how he wrings his hands, or how much he wishes that he was paying attention, the train will crash! That is an exact analogy to process necessary to prevent a sinful act. We simply cannot afford the luxury of vicariously living a sinful act in the mind if we are to control the action. The minute an unclean thought comes into our mind, it must be attacked without delay. Battles are won in the headquarters of the general, not on the field of contest. Battles with sinful actions are won in the headquarters of the mind not on the field of contest.

There are many techniques used to control our thoughts. You cannot eliminate a bad thought by trying not to think of it. It can only be eliminated by replacement. It is well to have some powerful positive and uplifting thoughts on hand to be used specifically for the purpose of pushing off-stage the undesirable unclean thought. As one example, the minute an unclean thought comes into your mind you might try repeating and reflecting on the meaning of the following statement of the Savior-

Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not (D&C 6:36)

Gramps