Dear Gramps,

I appreciate the advice you gave in your previous letter. The last couple of weeks my sister has stayed away and I talked to the Bishop about our financial situation. I am now concerned about one particular issue that you may be able to help me with.

Somehow you got the impression that my sister had brought her children to live in our garage apt. Actually it is her 22-year-old pregnant daughter and her daughter’s husband who live in the garage apt. My major concern at this time is that the young pregnant lady smokes occasionaly. As the head of household am I contributing to the possible damage done to the unborn child by allowing her to live here? I cannot control if she smokes but I can control if she lives here. What do you think? God bless you,

Kenneth

Dear Kenneth,

I can appreciate your concern for the health of your niece and for the baby that she is expecting. However, if you didn’t allow her to live in your apartment because she smokes, do you think that she would stop smoking? Perhaps she would smoke even more either out of spite or because she was away from an inhibiting influence.

I think that it would be well within your prerogative to suggest that she not smoke while visiting in your home, but it may be counter productive to try to put such restrictions on her while living in her separate apartment.

She may not be amenable to council or suggestions from you that she try to overcome her habit. So perhaps the most appropriate course of action would be to show her that you accept her as a person by being kind and considerate. If she feels the sincerity of your love, she may be willing to listen to your counsel. Someone said, “I don’t care how much you know, until I know how much you care.”

Gramps